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Thread: Joke Time

  1. #361

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
    After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

    The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

    "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

    "How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

    The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

    The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

    The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."
    Darryl in E27-land

  2. #362
    Just had a good laugh reading through these pages, thought I had better add something, turns out the topic is ducks.

    A duck walks into a bar and says " A pot of beer, a pie and today's paper please"
    The bartender is dumbfounded and stammers "Y-You can talk?"
    "Of course" says the duck "Now please be quick, I have to get back to work"
    The bartender gets the order and when it's delivered says "Where do you work?"
    "I am on the construction site over the road there" says the duck "I'm a plasterer".
    He has his lunch and reads the paper and is soon on his way.

    The circus is in town and later on a couple of clowns come in for a drink before the show.
    The bartender is quick to tell them about the talking duck. " He would be great for your show" he says.
    One clown hands him a business card and says "Tell him we are interested if he comes in again"

    Next day the duck comes in for lunch and the bartender hands him the card and says "The circus has a job for you"
    The duck scratches his chin and says "Circus, now don't they put their shows on in tents?" "Yes" says the bartender.
    "And don't they live in caravans?" says the duck. "Yes they do" says the bartender.

    The duck looks even more confused.
    "Then what the fuck do they need a plasterer for?"

  3. #363
    Senior Member NSW Nick Kakasiouris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Kings Langley N.S.W. Australia
    Quote Originally Posted by melwain View Post
    For all you Harley lovers out there!!!
    Attachment 5852
    Yep I like it mate.
    You always meet a better class of people who ride and enjoy Motorcycling

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